Hey, been a few weeks since I last got on. Been quite busy with school. So its finally nice outside, rained enough to flood some places this week. But it's like 65 out and the sun shines bright, So thats a pick me up.
Im listening to Daughtry at the moment, I like them. Most of the time their music is exactly how I feel. So I relate to them alot. Listening to "Home" and it kinda makes me homesick, miss Boston already. I wont be going back till spring break...in the middle of April =/ oh well
So on my final note, I dont have any classes or lunch with my ex. Which makes my life easy. If anything I see her no more 3 times a week...I think Boston helped me heal this summer, to bottle her up and throw her into the ocean. I feel stronger and it feels great. Lol. I owe it to a few people, my best friend Reggie who dealt with my constant complaining, my psyc teacher who I love & try to emulate bc she's the big reason I didnt lose my mind dealing with my depression. Sometimes you need someone, and I had them
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
back again
Long time no see, lol. Just thought about how long its been since I last updated this blog..
Wow so lets see not a whole lot has happened. Spent a month and a half in Boston with friends & family. Fun, Family, Cookouts, Parties, And Concerts. Got to finally see Wiz Khalifa in concert!!! crazy concert! over 30,000 people everyone was high (cough cough) lol. He definitely knows how to excite a crowd, since I joined my fellow Bostonians in booing a couple of his opening acts off stage. one of which is ryan leslie. lol. I mean he's alright but he cant really sing and he's boring and tries to hard. So when he asked if we wanted another song we booed him and he left shortly after and the Khalifa came out and everything exploded. I was right in front w/ my uncle. lol i learned one thing from this though, Boston knows how to blow purp ; )
Hmmm what else happened this summer..nothing much, my friend and co writer reggie is coming over this weekend so we can overhall the book we are writing. It needs some major work because the first time we got together at my house and worked on it I caught a fever of 106. lol so barring that I dont get sick this weekned we're gonna put in some serious work.
Guess the final thing to say is that I ran into my ex on day while I was at work..which honestly I had been dreading that moment all summer..but when I saw her..my heartbeat got fast and I felt like the depression was gonna take over me again..but then nothing. I felt fine. As if I had just seen a familiar stranger and that was all..I cant say im over her yet because I know Im not but im past her enough that i'll be okay w/ this school yr of being around her. And hey, after all it is my 12th grade yr! so after this im off to college in Boston hopefully.
I promised the city Id come and stay for ever one day so ill have to make good on that promise soon.
Until next time,
Kic, push & coast
Fall
Wow so lets see not a whole lot has happened. Spent a month and a half in Boston with friends & family. Fun, Family, Cookouts, Parties, And Concerts. Got to finally see Wiz Khalifa in concert!!! crazy concert! over 30,000 people everyone was high (cough cough) lol. He definitely knows how to excite a crowd, since I joined my fellow Bostonians in booing a couple of his opening acts off stage. one of which is ryan leslie. lol. I mean he's alright but he cant really sing and he's boring and tries to hard. So when he asked if we wanted another song we booed him and he left shortly after and the Khalifa came out and everything exploded. I was right in front w/ my uncle. lol i learned one thing from this though, Boston knows how to blow purp ; )
Hmmm what else happened this summer..nothing much, my friend and co writer reggie is coming over this weekend so we can overhall the book we are writing. It needs some major work because the first time we got together at my house and worked on it I caught a fever of 106. lol so barring that I dont get sick this weekned we're gonna put in some serious work.
Guess the final thing to say is that I ran into my ex on day while I was at work..which honestly I had been dreading that moment all summer..but when I saw her..my heartbeat got fast and I felt like the depression was gonna take over me again..but then nothing. I felt fine. As if I had just seen a familiar stranger and that was all..I cant say im over her yet because I know Im not but im past her enough that i'll be okay w/ this school yr of being around her. And hey, after all it is my 12th grade yr! so after this im off to college in Boston hopefully.
I promised the city Id come and stay for ever one day so ill have to make good on that promise soon.
Until next time,
Kic, push & coast
Fall
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Unbroken Explanation
unbroken is a story/ poem that is basically just a combination of how ive been feeling the last 7 or 8 months, broken. If youve been following my blog then you know about the issues with the ex girlfriend that have lead to feeling like that and unbroken is me getting past her.
For the longest time i couldnt find a way to write this, i wanted to do it directly but i figured using other people & metaphors would be easier for me to get it out. I was at the movies when I went to see iron man 2 with my mom and brother in may and you know how movies always play music while you wait for it to start. I heard Terrified by Katharine McPhee and Zachary Levi. and it hit me, and so i got home and watched the video for it which inspired my poem. Im not gonna explain the video so I suggest you go and watch it.
*when i say "and they could hear their heartbeat in their ears" its because ive had times when something will happen whether good or bad and I can hear my heart beat so loud i can hear it in my ears. so i used that as a way to show something significant is happening.
I tried to say w/o saying that they have both been hurt in their past and are still hurting but know its time to get back out and stop living in depression. and not let pain control them, as i have been doing. they are fearful, but hopeful that all will be well..and actually it will be for them, i wanted to hint that them wishing on the star to be unbroken was them staying together forever.
*which is part of why i chose to name her caelyn, i had looked it up last week and it means forever loved.
So I hope you guys like it and understand it a little more. I may have something else coming, im not sure exactly if im going to write my next idea. But ill keep you posted.
oh, im heading to boston tuesday. not exactly sure how long im staying, havent decided yet..
Peace,
Fall..
For the longest time i couldnt find a way to write this, i wanted to do it directly but i figured using other people & metaphors would be easier for me to get it out. I was at the movies when I went to see iron man 2 with my mom and brother in may and you know how movies always play music while you wait for it to start. I heard Terrified by Katharine McPhee and Zachary Levi. and it hit me, and so i got home and watched the video for it which inspired my poem. Im not gonna explain the video so I suggest you go and watch it.
*when i say "and they could hear their heartbeat in their ears" its because ive had times when something will happen whether good or bad and I can hear my heart beat so loud i can hear it in my ears. so i used that as a way to show something significant is happening.
I tried to say w/o saying that they have both been hurt in their past and are still hurting but know its time to get back out and stop living in depression. and not let pain control them, as i have been doing. they are fearful, but hopeful that all will be well..and actually it will be for them, i wanted to hint that them wishing on the star to be unbroken was them staying together forever.
*which is part of why i chose to name her caelyn, i had looked it up last week and it means forever loved.
So I hope you guys like it and understand it a little more. I may have something else coming, im not sure exactly if im going to write my next idea. But ill keep you posted.
oh, im heading to boston tuesday. not exactly sure how long im staying, havent decided yet..
Peace,
Fall..
Unbroken
He stood alone on the outside of the mall looking nervous, his unsteady breathing was drowned by the sound of his heartbeat in his ears, one.
He tried to calm himself but the pains of the past burned behind his chest.
He looked around for a distraction, and the city lights caught his eyes.
For some reason he always found them relaxing; the spectrum always different even if you had seen it a hundred times.
He noticed the flowers had closed, tilting toward him as if telling him to go in. He drew a deep breath and went inside…
She was outside a store nervous but trying to repress it.
He glanced down at his watch when he saw her and smiled, 9:00 p.m.
She was beautiful even through the sadness that painted her face blue.
She watched him walk toward her and a small smile slipped through the cracks of a larger, broken smile.
It was as if she didn’t know how to smile like that anymore.
Her blue eyes were as bright as his fears and his brown eyes were as deep as her worries.
They stood in wordless conversation before she put her hand out, and he shook it introducing himself and she followed suit.
They began walking, at first just to find a store that caught their interest but then later to talk.
He walked with his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes and he’d glance over at her.
He noticed her glancing back at him and they turned their heads away, smiling.
They started to talk, lighthearted conversations; where they were from, family, growing up, and life.
Each conversation started and ended with a smile.
And each smile brought them closer.
They turned a corner and their hands touched; but neither pulled back, they lingered and stayed.
And now she could hear her heartbeat in her ears, two.
They walked into a restaurant hands still together; only to be seated and have their eyes do what their hands could not.
The breeze came in through a window, ruffling her hair and causing her to blush.
A pink lamp turned on beside her and a purple one on her other side.
Color and people faded from the room as they smiled at each other, and it all seemed to hit her and reflect making her glow in his eyes.
A hand stretched out across the table tentatively in a way that asked, will you?
It was met by another, and her heart told her no.
Maybe she thought to herself; maybe he’s really different.
Maybe-she won’t hurt me he thought. Maybe I can trust my heart on this one.
She’s amazing, he’s so sweet. They paused in their thoughts, but maybe it’s too soon.
Maybe I’m rushing. Maybe she won’t any different. Maybe he doesn’t care like I think he does.
Maybe-and they could hear their heart beat in their ears, three.
She drew her hand back and he dropped gaze.
They looked back at each other, tears stinging in her eyes and biting loneliness threatening to throw him back into depression.
The people, color, and sound of the night life trickled back in; wonderland is gone because this is reality.
He looked down at his watch and concluded it was time to go, before he ruined it further.
They stood and walked toward the door, hands that were clasped before now too afraid to touch again.
They stood outside silently for a few minutes looking at the scenery before she thanked him for the evening and bid him farewell.
He opened his mouth but all he could hear was his heartbeat in his ears, four.
She attempted a smile, waved and walked away, waving him looking after her.
He watched till she was out of sight and then turned the opposite direction and walked away.
Lost in thought and feelings that didn’t make sense; he wandered onto the train and she fumbled blindly through her purse for her keys, tears falling down her face.
A deep sigh escaped him and a sob climbed its way from her throat.
Heads rested on the window and they watched the rain fall; but this rain felt different on their skin, because it was theirs.
The train jerked forward and the car began moving, them farther and farther apart.
The tears in her eyes, the pain on his face, the softness of her hugs, the gentleness of his voice, the smile on their faces when their hands touched, and the feeling that flowed between them.
He sat forward and her tears stopped, the train slowed and he rushed for the door tripping over people with hasty apologies.
The door slid open and he flew out the same time she did.
She went back to the store where they met while he waited for her outside where they split.
He went to the restaurant, trying to stomach the fear building in him.
She stood where they split trying to hold back her tears. A tear fell down his face onto his shoes as he walked away, not bothering to wipe his eyes.
She cried silently in the dark, outside didn’t look much different than she felt, empty and alone.
The door was halfway open as he heard the announcement “The mall will be closing in two minutes”.
He glanced down at his watch, 11:58. He stepped out and walked into the courtyard, and there she was. Standing alone in the courtyard, crying.
“Caelyn” he whispered as he got closer to with tears almost spilling down his face.
She turned and looked up, her eyes wet. He opened his mouth to speak again but found he could not; her face buried in his chest wetting his shirt in noiseless sobs.
He held her there, and color faded while passing cars made no noise and people ceased to exist.
She looked back up at him, and watched him, his expression was pained.
She cautiously put her hand in his and stared into his eyes giving him her wordless promises, I won’t ever hurt you purposefully and I won’t leave unless you want me to.
She took a step forward and he wrapped his arms around her and she hugged him tight. He tilted closer and kissed her forehead, thank you; I won’t or hurt you either.
They released their embrace and stood smiling at each other.
They noticed a light sparkling in the distance, shooting star he said as they watched it approach.
They stood there, hands together wishing upon the star to be unbroken, five.
He tried to calm himself but the pains of the past burned behind his chest.
He looked around for a distraction, and the city lights caught his eyes.
For some reason he always found them relaxing; the spectrum always different even if you had seen it a hundred times.
He noticed the flowers had closed, tilting toward him as if telling him to go in. He drew a deep breath and went inside…
She was outside a store nervous but trying to repress it.
He glanced down at his watch when he saw her and smiled, 9:00 p.m.
She was beautiful even through the sadness that painted her face blue.
She watched him walk toward her and a small smile slipped through the cracks of a larger, broken smile.
It was as if she didn’t know how to smile like that anymore.
Her blue eyes were as bright as his fears and his brown eyes were as deep as her worries.
They stood in wordless conversation before she put her hand out, and he shook it introducing himself and she followed suit.
They began walking, at first just to find a store that caught their interest but then later to talk.
He walked with his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes and he’d glance over at her.
He noticed her glancing back at him and they turned their heads away, smiling.
They started to talk, lighthearted conversations; where they were from, family, growing up, and life.
Each conversation started and ended with a smile.
And each smile brought them closer.
They turned a corner and their hands touched; but neither pulled back, they lingered and stayed.
And now she could hear her heartbeat in her ears, two.
They walked into a restaurant hands still together; only to be seated and have their eyes do what their hands could not.
The breeze came in through a window, ruffling her hair and causing her to blush.
A pink lamp turned on beside her and a purple one on her other side.
Color and people faded from the room as they smiled at each other, and it all seemed to hit her and reflect making her glow in his eyes.
A hand stretched out across the table tentatively in a way that asked, will you?
It was met by another, and her heart told her no.
Maybe she thought to herself; maybe he’s really different.
Maybe-she won’t hurt me he thought. Maybe I can trust my heart on this one.
She’s amazing, he’s so sweet. They paused in their thoughts, but maybe it’s too soon.
Maybe I’m rushing. Maybe she won’t any different. Maybe he doesn’t care like I think he does.
Maybe-and they could hear their heart beat in their ears, three.
She drew her hand back and he dropped gaze.
They looked back at each other, tears stinging in her eyes and biting loneliness threatening to throw him back into depression.
The people, color, and sound of the night life trickled back in; wonderland is gone because this is reality.
He looked down at his watch and concluded it was time to go, before he ruined it further.
They stood and walked toward the door, hands that were clasped before now too afraid to touch again.
They stood outside silently for a few minutes looking at the scenery before she thanked him for the evening and bid him farewell.
He opened his mouth but all he could hear was his heartbeat in his ears, four.
She attempted a smile, waved and walked away, waving him looking after her.
He watched till she was out of sight and then turned the opposite direction and walked away.
Lost in thought and feelings that didn’t make sense; he wandered onto the train and she fumbled blindly through her purse for her keys, tears falling down her face.
A deep sigh escaped him and a sob climbed its way from her throat.
Heads rested on the window and they watched the rain fall; but this rain felt different on their skin, because it was theirs.
The train jerked forward and the car began moving, them farther and farther apart.
The tears in her eyes, the pain on his face, the softness of her hugs, the gentleness of his voice, the smile on their faces when their hands touched, and the feeling that flowed between them.
He sat forward and her tears stopped, the train slowed and he rushed for the door tripping over people with hasty apologies.
The door slid open and he flew out the same time she did.
She went back to the store where they met while he waited for her outside where they split.
He went to the restaurant, trying to stomach the fear building in him.
She stood where they split trying to hold back her tears. A tear fell down his face onto his shoes as he walked away, not bothering to wipe his eyes.
She cried silently in the dark, outside didn’t look much different than she felt, empty and alone.
The door was halfway open as he heard the announcement “The mall will be closing in two minutes”.
He glanced down at his watch, 11:58. He stepped out and walked into the courtyard, and there she was. Standing alone in the courtyard, crying.
“Caelyn” he whispered as he got closer to with tears almost spilling down his face.
She turned and looked up, her eyes wet. He opened his mouth to speak again but found he could not; her face buried in his chest wetting his shirt in noiseless sobs.
He held her there, and color faded while passing cars made no noise and people ceased to exist.
She looked back up at him, and watched him, his expression was pained.
She cautiously put her hand in his and stared into his eyes giving him her wordless promises, I won’t ever hurt you purposefully and I won’t leave unless you want me to.
She took a step forward and he wrapped his arms around her and she hugged him tight. He tilted closer and kissed her forehead, thank you; I won’t or hurt you either.
They released their embrace and stood smiling at each other.
They noticed a light sparkling in the distance, shooting star he said as they watched it approach.
They stood there, hands together wishing upon the star to be unbroken, five.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Beginning
In this beginning there was darkness; and darkness constantly.
It was void, for it desired no shape and it did not feel compelled to take form.
It reigned over everything, and it's throne was where ever it was formed on a whim.
It's wings covered all and it's hand were in everything. And for a time, this was good.
But seasons change and eternity waits for no one, not even darkness.
In the east the darkness began to swirl together and clash against itself, splitting it.
And from that schism was born a small orb.
A small glowing ball, shining almost but not shining any particular color, made of something the darkness did not know of and he feared it and plotted against it.
He gathered himself, from all four corners and threw himself against it, pressing his suffocating weight down on it.
But it had not broken, nor was it scathed.
He gathered himself again and threw himself down upon it with all his might; and he prevailed not.
He grew sore with the orb and screamed at it with a voice that was the sound of a thousand blades being drawn across rock.
"Who are you? And what business have you here?"
The darkness waited patiently but the orb remaied quiet.
The darkness grew vex and raised his mighty hand to smash the orb.
After remaining silent for an eon, it was then the orb spoke.
"I am the pull of your push. The conscience behind your thought and the heart behind your chest. The one thing you cannot conquer because essentially I am you. I am the light."
Taken aback the darkness stood and listened to the little orb speak, feeling it's confidence forming in every passing word.
Perplexed, head tilted to the west in confusion and understanding.
He watched the little orb with growing interest and an idea came to him.
He lifted the orb to his breast and they knew each other.
Together they made all there is now, new and old, nature and machine.
And together they created people like us; a mix of the two.
Ancient, wise, subtle and powerful. Quick tempered, arrogant, possessive and often controlling.
We are called, Mixte. Like the moon and the ocean we fight to balance each other.
It has been the way of things; and it will continue.
I am Fall, and this is the Beginning..
It was void, for it desired no shape and it did not feel compelled to take form.
It reigned over everything, and it's throne was where ever it was formed on a whim.
It's wings covered all and it's hand were in everything. And for a time, this was good.
But seasons change and eternity waits for no one, not even darkness.
In the east the darkness began to swirl together and clash against itself, splitting it.
And from that schism was born a small orb.
A small glowing ball, shining almost but not shining any particular color, made of something the darkness did not know of and he feared it and plotted against it.
He gathered himself, from all four corners and threw himself against it, pressing his suffocating weight down on it.
But it had not broken, nor was it scathed.
He gathered himself again and threw himself down upon it with all his might; and he prevailed not.
He grew sore with the orb and screamed at it with a voice that was the sound of a thousand blades being drawn across rock.
"Who are you? And what business have you here?"
The darkness waited patiently but the orb remaied quiet.
The darkness grew vex and raised his mighty hand to smash the orb.
After remaining silent for an eon, it was then the orb spoke.
"I am the pull of your push. The conscience behind your thought and the heart behind your chest. The one thing you cannot conquer because essentially I am you. I am the light."
Taken aback the darkness stood and listened to the little orb speak, feeling it's confidence forming in every passing word.
Perplexed, head tilted to the west in confusion and understanding.
He watched the little orb with growing interest and an idea came to him.
He lifted the orb to his breast and they knew each other.
Together they made all there is now, new and old, nature and machine.
And together they created people like us; a mix of the two.
Ancient, wise, subtle and powerful. Quick tempered, arrogant, possessive and often controlling.
We are called, Mixte. Like the moon and the ocean we fight to balance each other.
It has been the way of things; and it will continue.
I am Fall, and this is the Beginning..
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Enigma
I will only ever be an enigma.
For in my eyes I show two sides of that you call love.
In my right I show the kisses and bonding; The loyalty and the innocence.
Two becoming one; and hopes and prayers for forever.
From there I give birth to young poets; hearts full of dreams and heads full of nothing.
Young lovers, with the notion that everything will somehow be ok.
Fools, waiting on that special someone not realising that person has already come and left.
Left, in my left eye I plant the seed called loneliness and nuture it with the tears you cry yourself to sleep with.
Til it grows into a tree of depression and from it's branches blossoms pain.
And you, yes you. I mock you and your hope that everything between you two will work out.
We both know it wont happen that way...well atleast one of us does.
I am the ache you feel in your chest with every beat and the worry always plaguing your mind.
I am the peaceful sleep that refuses to come to you and the insomnia that keeps you awake.
I'm the one who pulls you out of depression and i'm the voice you hear laughing when I let you slide back into it.
You blindly chase after me, not realising it's me causing your pain.
And I care nothing for you.
But you, little fool, will never know.
You'll keep trying and searching, but I wont grant you happiness.
Child, you are my favorite creation and my favorite fool.
Continue pursuinig me, who knows, maybe one day i'll slow down for you...maybe
For in my eyes I show two sides of that you call love.
In my right I show the kisses and bonding; The loyalty and the innocence.
Two becoming one; and hopes and prayers for forever.
From there I give birth to young poets; hearts full of dreams and heads full of nothing.
Young lovers, with the notion that everything will somehow be ok.
Fools, waiting on that special someone not realising that person has already come and left.
Left, in my left eye I plant the seed called loneliness and nuture it with the tears you cry yourself to sleep with.
Til it grows into a tree of depression and from it's branches blossoms pain.
And you, yes you. I mock you and your hope that everything between you two will work out.
We both know it wont happen that way...well atleast one of us does.
I am the ache you feel in your chest with every beat and the worry always plaguing your mind.
I am the peaceful sleep that refuses to come to you and the insomnia that keeps you awake.
I'm the one who pulls you out of depression and i'm the voice you hear laughing when I let you slide back into it.
You blindly chase after me, not realising it's me causing your pain.
And I care nothing for you.
But you, little fool, will never know.
You'll keep trying and searching, but I wont grant you happiness.
Child, you are my favorite creation and my favorite fool.
Continue pursuinig me, who knows, maybe one day i'll slow down for you...maybe
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Stuck.Moving On.Book.We The Kings.
Hey, me again. jus here chillin..I think last time i got on was last week..not a whole lot has happened since then, more ups and downs with people but nothing new..it kinda feels like when things get good for me, or i think im getting somewhere i get knocked bac down. its like the world is constantly slapping me in the face and sayin "WELCOME TO LIFE"..
not really sure where the ex situation is going. but from how things ar playing out, its not going over the hill. i climb and then slide bac down. so im jus trying to learn to survive. and I have to say i'm thankful for a few things, my best friend. and music.
speaking of which, i listened to secret valentine by we the kings and its a cool song. reminds me of someone, someone different for once..and i can honestly say she puts a smile on my face and makes my day alot better =)
oh, and a friend of mine and i are working on a book. we've got the characters, conflict, resolution and all that good stuff. its pretty cool bc he's a story writer, and i'm a poet and when ever we've collaborated in the past on poetry it's always been good. So i'm looking forward to how this book will play out, no expectation date. bc you cant rush a book. and i'll give more details as we write it..
have school 2morow =P puttin off doin this online math quiz that i really really should do. i guess i should get to that now.
and for all of you, who dont know who you are..dont know where you are..or where to go next..i'm with you on that..and maybe we'll find out together..
Peace,
Fall
not really sure where the ex situation is going. but from how things ar playing out, its not going over the hill. i climb and then slide bac down. so im jus trying to learn to survive. and I have to say i'm thankful for a few things, my best friend. and music.
speaking of which, i listened to secret valentine by we the kings and its a cool song. reminds me of someone, someone different for once..and i can honestly say she puts a smile on my face and makes my day alot better =)
oh, and a friend of mine and i are working on a book. we've got the characters, conflict, resolution and all that good stuff. its pretty cool bc he's a story writer, and i'm a poet and when ever we've collaborated in the past on poetry it's always been good. So i'm looking forward to how this book will play out, no expectation date. bc you cant rush a book. and i'll give more details as we write it..
have school 2morow =P puttin off doin this online math quiz that i really really should do. i guess i should get to that now.
and for all of you, who dont know who you are..dont know where you are..or where to go next..i'm with you on that..and maybe we'll find out together..
Peace,
Fall
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Dear Autumn explanation..
so hey, yea dear autumn is about fall (me) telling autumn (girl he cares about) that he doesnt know who he is and he is leaving to find himself basically..we all go through a self identity phase, and i guess this is mine..not exactly sure who i am..so im trying to find out..and so to everyone i care about, this is my letter/poem to you telling you im gone...
*the part about crying represents rain fyi
*the part about crying represents rain fyi
Dear Autumn..
Dear Autumn, I don’t know what you’re feeling but I need to back up from everything for a while.
I need to find myself, and I don’t how long that’ll take; but I’ll be back when I do.
Though this is just another one you probably won’t read into…
Dear Autumn, just in case you look into this and don’t necessarily find me, all of me.
It’s because I’m out looking for me.
Searching through time for pieces that use to be mine and trying on different masks and either reveling or going numb in the feeling of that alias.
Of mine, it’s mine, so I bring it back with me while trying not to step on the mines strewn across the fields in my mind.
The mines are polished with guilt and wired with fear and the give off a purple glint in the sun.
Son, oh right I have a father now so I can take this piece with me too.
Fathers raise their child in the right path and are there for them with hugs and love.
But gradually his arms grow smaller and you’re desire for a hug grows larger and larger, and you feel smaller and smaller as time goes on.
Time, stop, where am I now? Oh right, I’m inside four walls listening to you cry because you can’t find me. 500 miles away and you’re tears reach here.
They’re soothing to my aches and calming to my soul.
I’ve put so much of me into you I can hear the choked words between each sob and you’re scent caresses my nose while the taste of your tears rest on my tongue.
Now I can take this piece of my first love and who I was in her with me so we can be reacquainted in time. Time, wait, stop, where I am?
Oh right, I’m lost but I know where I’m going and the breeze tells me she will take me there, anywhere.
Blowing me like arboretum leaves where ever leaves where ever she listeth.
Please, don’t look for me. And don’t worry yourself about me, you won’t find me.
But understand that I’m thinking of you, and every time I want to say I miss you I’ll whisper it and wish that you heard me.
I know you wrote me when I left a few times when I left you a few years ago; and so this is my one and only letter to you.
I’ll be back when I know who I am…
Dear Autumn…I’m gone…
I need to find myself, and I don’t how long that’ll take; but I’ll be back when I do.
Though this is just another one you probably won’t read into…
Dear Autumn, just in case you look into this and don’t necessarily find me, all of me.
It’s because I’m out looking for me.
Searching through time for pieces that use to be mine and trying on different masks and either reveling or going numb in the feeling of that alias.
Of mine, it’s mine, so I bring it back with me while trying not to step on the mines strewn across the fields in my mind.
The mines are polished with guilt and wired with fear and the give off a purple glint in the sun.
Son, oh right I have a father now so I can take this piece with me too.
Fathers raise their child in the right path and are there for them with hugs and love.
But gradually his arms grow smaller and you’re desire for a hug grows larger and larger, and you feel smaller and smaller as time goes on.
Time, stop, where am I now? Oh right, I’m inside four walls listening to you cry because you can’t find me. 500 miles away and you’re tears reach here.
They’re soothing to my aches and calming to my soul.
I’ve put so much of me into you I can hear the choked words between each sob and you’re scent caresses my nose while the taste of your tears rest on my tongue.
Now I can take this piece of my first love and who I was in her with me so we can be reacquainted in time. Time, wait, stop, where I am?
Oh right, I’m lost but I know where I’m going and the breeze tells me she will take me there, anywhere.
Blowing me like arboretum leaves where ever leaves where ever she listeth.
Please, don’t look for me. And don’t worry yourself about me, you won’t find me.
But understand that I’m thinking of you, and every time I want to say I miss you I’ll whisper it and wish that you heard me.
I know you wrote me when I left a few times when I left you a few years ago; and so this is my one and only letter to you.
I’ll be back when I know who I am…
Dear Autumn…I’m gone…
Monday, April 5, 2010
Up's/Down's & John Mayer
You ever have one of those moments where it's like..she's outta my league..those suck. i dont know if it's lack of confidence or if it's jus a sudden realisation. not sure if i'm to pursue or fall bac..so maybe i'll do neither.
But aside from that spring break was pretty good . went to a resort and then went to the zoo when I got bac. LOL. that was a good day =)..had alot of fun, and..jus, yea lol.
bac in school now =/ only upside is my 17th bday is Wednesday April 7th. sooo excited lol.
So i now hav a John Mayer phase onto of my Jesse McCartney phase. lol idk why im stuck on the white singers, just good music. touches my soul. lol.
Well i hav homework to go do =/
kic push & deuce
peace,
Fall
But aside from that spring break was pretty good . went to a resort and then went to the zoo when I got bac. LOL. that was a good day =)..had alot of fun, and..jus, yea lol.
bac in school now =/ only upside is my 17th bday is Wednesday April 7th. sooo excited lol.
So i now hav a John Mayer phase onto of my Jesse McCartney phase. lol idk why im stuck on the white singers, just good music. touches my soul. lol.
Well i hav homework to go do =/
kic push & deuce
peace,
Fall
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Home Again. Coffee. Not Sleeping.
So i got bac from my trip with the family tuesday afternoon. and actually it was kinda fun, was expecting to be really bored and uncomfortable. I was only like that occasionaly. It was cool, we were about 2000 or more feet off the ground and my hotel room was right next to a creek. LOL. ok so there was this hedgehog, beaver, badger, gerbil thing that lived under a rock next to this creek and it was sooooooooooo cute. But i had no idea what it was, so i named him squishy. lol. he was kinda fat and his fur looked soft and squisy. too bad I couldnt take him home though =/ spent alot of my time working out, that was pretty fun. a little sore, but thats working out for you..
ok, so i have this new found love for coffee. like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, cream and sugar please. lol. love that stuff. but its not my fault, i auditioned for the poetry reading/music singing and playing cafe set up type thing at my school called the "coffee house" a few wks bac. it was cool, lecture hall was set up like a cafe. was pretty legit. and so i made the audition of course and read my poetry, and my friends jeff and jerry had me drinking coffee. and so began my obssession. and 2 hrs and 6 cups of coffee later, i was hooked. and i had coffee when i was on the mountain, mountain coffee rocks!!!!!!!!!! lol
hmm, im going to the zoo with some friends later today. im excited for a number of different reason. All of which i wont explain right now, just hope things become more clear and work out 4 me =)
listening 2 jesse mcCartneys "just so you know" and the video comes to mind..at the end, he gets the girl. hmm, i wonder if itll happen like that jesse. doubt it. but i can be hopeful, right? lol
anyhow, i dont sleep so i'll be up. insomnia rocks and sucks at the same time.
but for those of you who do sleep, enjoy your night.
Peace,
Fall
ok, so i have this new found love for coffee. like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, cream and sugar please. lol. love that stuff. but its not my fault, i auditioned for the poetry reading/music singing and playing cafe set up type thing at my school called the "coffee house" a few wks bac. it was cool, lecture hall was set up like a cafe. was pretty legit. and so i made the audition of course and read my poetry, and my friends jeff and jerry had me drinking coffee. and so began my obssession. and 2 hrs and 6 cups of coffee later, i was hooked. and i had coffee when i was on the mountain, mountain coffee rocks!!!!!!!!!! lol
hmm, im going to the zoo with some friends later today. im excited for a number of different reason. All of which i wont explain right now, just hope things become more clear and work out 4 me =)
listening 2 jesse mcCartneys "just so you know" and the video comes to mind..at the end, he gets the girl. hmm, i wonder if itll happen like that jesse. doubt it. but i can be hopeful, right? lol
anyhow, i dont sleep so i'll be up. insomnia rocks and sucks at the same time.
but for those of you who do sleep, enjoy your night.
Peace,
Fall
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Spring Break. Growing Up. Jesse McCartney
So suppose to be leaving in a couple hours. Heading to Massanutten Resort in middle of nowhere VA. lol. it looks pretty cool from the website, but im going with my mom and little bro. ugh. id really rather stay here and be able to not be around them. idk what it is..or what exactly happened. but i really dont like being around people..especially family.
mom is always talking bout how when i was my brothers age i would talk to her and we'd hang out (false) b/c i know exactly what i was doing at 9 and 10 and it wasnt anything good. But you wonder when parents will understand that we're growing up and dont want to be with them anywhere near as much as we use to. Maybe mine is a special case, though i doubt it, but i dont even like saying hello. smh @ myself..yea i know what your thinking, "thats terrible, she's your mom" i know that, but growing up i always spent all my time alone for the most part and i didnt talk to many people. mostly myself, lol yea i was crazy.
I'll be 17 on april 7th. less than 2 wks away. thats one year from 18 and i'll be gone..i wonder if she'll realize that when my lil bro becomes a teenager he'll want to be either by himself or with friends all the time. I just want her to get that im growing up, and im not gonna change who i am...sigh...
well aside from that, i am on a jesse mcCartney phase for some reason..idk, friend of mine played "leavin" the other day and i remembered how much i liked his music before. so now im on a non stop McCartney phase. lol..id say that the three song i've listened to over and over the last few days are "Anybody". "Beautiful Soul". and "Just so you know"...those three touch my heart is 3 really weird and different ways...anybody makes me think of broken promises from an ex of mine from a few years ago, and not being taken advantage of..lol..i was such a stupid kid, she took advantage of me sooooo often...and Beautiful Soul touches me because there's someone that I know, who has a beautiful soul. and i dont want someone else. because there are tons of beautiful people but i want someone who is beautiful inside and out..And then Just So You Know touches me b/c im still dealing with a break up from a few months bac. pushing forward and trying to get through it but it's hard. and this song probly doesnt help. lol..
well anyhow, i'll be outta town til tuesday but to everyone on spring break, enjoy it and be safe.
Peace,
Fall...
mom is always talking bout how when i was my brothers age i would talk to her and we'd hang out (false) b/c i know exactly what i was doing at 9 and 10 and it wasnt anything good. But you wonder when parents will understand that we're growing up and dont want to be with them anywhere near as much as we use to. Maybe mine is a special case, though i doubt it, but i dont even like saying hello. smh @ myself..yea i know what your thinking, "thats terrible, she's your mom" i know that, but growing up i always spent all my time alone for the most part and i didnt talk to many people. mostly myself, lol yea i was crazy.
I'll be 17 on april 7th. less than 2 wks away. thats one year from 18 and i'll be gone..i wonder if she'll realize that when my lil bro becomes a teenager he'll want to be either by himself or with friends all the time. I just want her to get that im growing up, and im not gonna change who i am...sigh...
well aside from that, i am on a jesse mcCartney phase for some reason..idk, friend of mine played "leavin" the other day and i remembered how much i liked his music before. so now im on a non stop McCartney phase. lol..id say that the three song i've listened to over and over the last few days are "Anybody". "Beautiful Soul". and "Just so you know"...those three touch my heart is 3 really weird and different ways...anybody makes me think of broken promises from an ex of mine from a few years ago, and not being taken advantage of..lol..i was such a stupid kid, she took advantage of me sooooo often...and Beautiful Soul touches me because there's someone that I know, who has a beautiful soul. and i dont want someone else. because there are tons of beautiful people but i want someone who is beautiful inside and out..And then Just So You Know touches me b/c im still dealing with a break up from a few months bac. pushing forward and trying to get through it but it's hard. and this song probly doesnt help. lol..
well anyhow, i'll be outta town til tuesday but to everyone on spring break, enjoy it and be safe.
Peace,
Fall...
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Why is your bag full of tulips? Lol
Hey, yea me again. lol. things str8 with me for now (thats always good). jus trying to get through life and juggle everyone and everything..Its a REALLY nice day outside, its the nicest saturday i've seen in a while. got to enjoy it a bit and now im jus chillin in the house, but um, yea on to the important thing...
So theres this song by lupe called "and he gets the girl" lol very funny song but its real. especially to alot of ppl with low confidence. now im not saying i have low confidence, because i dont. Not at all. But there's always that one girl who you see and your jus like "damn, not sure if i could pull that off" and this song kinda makes me think of situations ive been in like that.
But as of right now im kinda talking to someone. but not, lol, you know how girls are with their mixed signals. normally id be like hmmmm idk if i can do this. but yea, i can =) this one...she's special. we get along well. we have alot in common, she's funny, and she swear she can beat me up. LOL. but all in all. we're friends and idk how that's gonna go exactly, but its looking bright..
Lol and im listening to And he gets the girl now. and the last line is my fav.
"Lucas dear, why is your bag full of tulips?"
"um, there's this girl and i was thinking that i might walk to her, try and talk to her. discuss different things that would talk to her. and see what makes her tick".
Lol love that song.
Anyhow, May the force be with you
Peace,
Fall
So theres this song by lupe called "and he gets the girl" lol very funny song but its real. especially to alot of ppl with low confidence. now im not saying i have low confidence, because i dont. Not at all. But there's always that one girl who you see and your jus like "damn, not sure if i could pull that off" and this song kinda makes me think of situations ive been in like that.
But as of right now im kinda talking to someone. but not, lol, you know how girls are with their mixed signals. normally id be like hmmmm idk if i can do this. but yea, i can =) this one...she's special. we get along well. we have alot in common, she's funny, and she swear she can beat me up. LOL. but all in all. we're friends and idk how that's gonna go exactly, but its looking bright..
Lol and im listening to And he gets the girl now. and the last line is my fav.
"Lucas dear, why is your bag full of tulips?"
"um, there's this girl and i was thinking that i might walk to her, try and talk to her. discuss different things that would talk to her. and see what makes her tick".
Lol love that song.
Anyhow, May the force be with you
Peace,
Fall
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Jet Black Sky
Jet Black Sky
Meets bright white lights
They hit and connect fleetingly
In their momentary intercourse
It catches my eye
And i'm drawn into Autumn's skyline
It's not the first time that i've watched her colors mix
And it's not the first time i've watched her clash
I kinda feel like she does
Momentarily connecting with someone but it's not the same feeling as your first love
So you return to the jet black sky
Waiting for the next color, waiting for the next light
Life on hold and I have to remember to breathe
Maybe Autumn and I will find the color for us
And have a clear horizon and i'll hit the skyline and feel free
And call it a hunch but I the feeling that whoever she is, is feeling like me
So one day i might find her and she'll be mine forever
Or maybe it wasn't meant to happen and she'll go
But she'll leave me something to remember her by
The same gift others leave Autumn, a Jet Black Sky...
Meets bright white lights
They hit and connect fleetingly
In their momentary intercourse
It catches my eye
And i'm drawn into Autumn's skyline
It's not the first time that i've watched her colors mix
And it's not the first time i've watched her clash
I kinda feel like she does
Momentarily connecting with someone but it's not the same feeling as your first love
So you return to the jet black sky
Waiting for the next color, waiting for the next light
Life on hold and I have to remember to breathe
Maybe Autumn and I will find the color for us
And have a clear horizon and i'll hit the skyline and feel free
And call it a hunch but I the feeling that whoever she is, is feeling like me
So one day i might find her and she'll be mine forever
Or maybe it wasn't meant to happen and she'll go
But she'll leave me something to remember her by
The same gift others leave Autumn, a Jet Black Sky...
poem
so hey, whats up. happy to say that i feel like im doing better, which is always good. um, about the last post i didnt about the poem i was writing. i changed it. inspiration works in very weird ways. so what i wanted to write isnt what my emotions wanted to write. so i wrote something else. i titled it "Jet Black Sky".
in a nut shell its about me looking up at the sky in my hometown (boston)which i named Autumn a while ago. (gotta keep up ppl) and seeing the colors clash and mix temporarily but the sky always ends up black (night time). and i felt the way she did. you mix with different ppl but nothing feels right or the same so you always end up as a jet black sky until you find that "one" for you..
in a nut shell its about me looking up at the sky in my hometown (boston)which i named Autumn a while ago. (gotta keep up ppl) and seeing the colors clash and mix temporarily but the sky always ends up black (night time). and i felt the way she did. you mix with different ppl but nothing feels right or the same so you always end up as a jet black sky until you find that "one" for you..
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Next Project
so hey, whats up. havent been on in a while. been busy with life and gettin over stuff
so last time i blogged i was talking about the situation with the ex. and needless to say it hasnt gotten any better and hasnt gone anywhere really. we've just decided to stay friends for now and date other people and talkl about us later. and it hurts me alot. but you gotta live with your mistakes and deal with the outcome. So i guess ima talk 2 other people. lol. we'll see how that goes
so my next poem, which i dont have a title for, is gonna be about music kinda.
its gonna be about a guy who goes through a break up with his girl, a girl he loves. and has to live with the outcome and somehow cope with the pain. so he turns to his piano, it doesnt judge him, it never gets upset and he can just vent. now im not saying he talks to the piano, lol, that would be weird. he uses it to vent everything and free his mind..
so thats what im gonna be working on now, see the similarities? yea, gotta vent what i feel some how.. so oddly enough other than what im going through my inspiration for this is John Legend and Kid Cudi. yea, totally diff. but they inspire me alot. johns music is always deep and inspirational and kid cudi just knows how to make a good song. so this is what im doing
ill post it when i finish it
Peace,
Fall
so last time i blogged i was talking about the situation with the ex. and needless to say it hasnt gotten any better and hasnt gone anywhere really. we've just decided to stay friends for now and date other people and talkl about us later. and it hurts me alot. but you gotta live with your mistakes and deal with the outcome. So i guess ima talk 2 other people. lol. we'll see how that goes
so my next poem, which i dont have a title for, is gonna be about music kinda.
its gonna be about a guy who goes through a break up with his girl, a girl he loves. and has to live with the outcome and somehow cope with the pain. so he turns to his piano, it doesnt judge him, it never gets upset and he can just vent. now im not saying he talks to the piano, lol, that would be weird. he uses it to vent everything and free his mind..
so thats what im gonna be working on now, see the similarities? yea, gotta vent what i feel some how.. so oddly enough other than what im going through my inspiration for this is John Legend and Kid Cudi. yea, totally diff. but they inspire me alot. johns music is always deep and inspirational and kid cudi just knows how to make a good song. so this is what im doing
ill post it when i finish it
Peace,
Fall
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Insomnia, Thoughts, and Emotions
so its like 1:30 something and im jus here doing nothing. now for you thats like, well dude thats early. and you right, but i dont sleep much. so this will become 2:30, and then 4 and then 5 and 8 and etc. you get the point. i dont sleep much. lol. especially when i dont hav to go 2 school nxt day, my body instantly goes into what i like to call "nah kid you aint sleepin mode". as of rite now, idk how many hours ive been up. crazy though.
so ive had a few things to think about recently, one of which is if ima move bac to boston in the summer and stay with my pops n bro instead of here with my mom. now, my mom is ok and all but ughhhh. (nuff said rite) nah, she;s a mom and what do all moms do? annoy you about little things. like recently i was out chillin with my bestfriend and his girl, and i got home and hr late and she causes such a big problem over it. and i remember her telling me when i was 14, "when you turn 18, if you arent already in college or hav a place to stay, too bad cuz you arent staying here anymore" lol. so bet, i aint mad at her and i plan on taking advantage of that and getting away as soon as i can. im not gonna miss her if i go, its my friends ill miss. so im still deciding...be bac home and start over in school, finish senior yr out there? or stay here and hav ups n downs with mom all the time? idk, ill hav to decide
so as i posted in previous blogs, i was havin sum issue with and ex and it was rlly bothering me. now im less bothered and im not too sure which direction to go in, i mean im already talking to ppl and looking around but things dont feel the same. so idk what to do, guess ima just hav to wait and see.
check out the poem i put up the other day, damn that was sick lol. gotta give props to reggie cuz hit me with the idea of her dancing by water and oceanlab for their trance and techno music lol. and thank you inspiration for hitting me so hard. lol
anyway, until nxt time kick, push, and deuce
Peace,
Fall
so ive had a few things to think about recently, one of which is if ima move bac to boston in the summer and stay with my pops n bro instead of here with my mom. now, my mom is ok and all but ughhhh. (nuff said rite) nah, she;s a mom and what do all moms do? annoy you about little things. like recently i was out chillin with my bestfriend and his girl, and i got home and hr late and she causes such a big problem over it. and i remember her telling me when i was 14, "when you turn 18, if you arent already in college or hav a place to stay, too bad cuz you arent staying here anymore" lol. so bet, i aint mad at her and i plan on taking advantage of that and getting away as soon as i can. im not gonna miss her if i go, its my friends ill miss. so im still deciding...be bac home and start over in school, finish senior yr out there? or stay here and hav ups n downs with mom all the time? idk, ill hav to decide
so as i posted in previous blogs, i was havin sum issue with and ex and it was rlly bothering me. now im less bothered and im not too sure which direction to go in, i mean im already talking to ppl and looking around but things dont feel the same. so idk what to do, guess ima just hav to wait and see.
check out the poem i put up the other day, damn that was sick lol. gotta give props to reggie cuz hit me with the idea of her dancing by water and oceanlab for their trance and techno music lol. and thank you inspiration for hitting me so hard. lol
anyway, until nxt time kick, push, and deuce
Peace,
Fall
Thursday, February 4, 2010
First Sight
She danced around the waters edge.
The moon light seemed to flow through the seams of her dress as she moved.
Her feet made no sound as she moved and spun across the grass, as if she were flying.
She was smiling as she moved, a light and beautiful smile.
And I found myself smiling with her. Her pace picked up and my heart beat followed.
She turned her head in my direction and her brown eyes searched mine, and we connected.
As she continued to dance I watched her reflection, her twin, move as gracefully as her.
I stood there hypnotized watching her twirl, each one seeming to beckon to me though I wasnt really there.
Her mood was care free, as if nothing was wrong with the world.
As if nothing could ever hurt her and her love would never end.
Her mood became mine and it felt good.
To release all the stress, and pain, and problems. Time wasnt a factor anymore, i watched her for what could have been eons.
She began to sing as she moved, and i'd never heard anything like it. Her voice had me in awe and I fell to my knees and listened.
I could feel everyword in my body and her melody seemed to wrap around me and hold me.
The purity of her words made my body confused.
I was warm, and I was cold. I wanted to move, but didnt know how. I was blind, but I could see.
Her dance slowed to a stop but she continued to sing.
She walked over to me and rubbed my cheek with her hand and looked gently into my eyes.
She quietly sang into my ear, I am what your hearts been seeking. I'm who you dream about, i've always been there and always will be. We are one, I love you.
She kissed my forhead and said i'll be waiting and I fell back into sleep and thought to myself if love at first sight exist, this is what it feels like.
I drifted off knowing i may never meet her there again...
The moon light seemed to flow through the seams of her dress as she moved.
Her feet made no sound as she moved and spun across the grass, as if she were flying.
She was smiling as she moved, a light and beautiful smile.
And I found myself smiling with her. Her pace picked up and my heart beat followed.
She turned her head in my direction and her brown eyes searched mine, and we connected.
As she continued to dance I watched her reflection, her twin, move as gracefully as her.
I stood there hypnotized watching her twirl, each one seeming to beckon to me though I wasnt really there.
Her mood was care free, as if nothing was wrong with the world.
As if nothing could ever hurt her and her love would never end.
Her mood became mine and it felt good.
To release all the stress, and pain, and problems. Time wasnt a factor anymore, i watched her for what could have been eons.
She began to sing as she moved, and i'd never heard anything like it. Her voice had me in awe and I fell to my knees and listened.
I could feel everyword in my body and her melody seemed to wrap around me and hold me.
The purity of her words made my body confused.
I was warm, and I was cold. I wanted to move, but didnt know how. I was blind, but I could see.
Her dance slowed to a stop but she continued to sing.
She walked over to me and rubbed my cheek with her hand and looked gently into my eyes.
She quietly sang into my ear, I am what your hearts been seeking. I'm who you dream about, i've always been there and always will be. We are one, I love you.
She kissed my forhead and said i'll be waiting and I fell back into sleep and thought to myself if love at first sight exist, this is what it feels like.
I drifted off knowing i may never meet her there again...
Friday, January 29, 2010
Ordinary People
So i know ive been doing the whole lupe thing. and ill get bac on that at a later date but life has just been kinda difficult recently..i broke up with my girl and since then its been hard 2 watch her go, though it was my doing..and for a time i thought i absolutely had to get her bac and i tried and it didnt work. so i was left to ponder and pray..and God didnt leave me hangin, i kno now that im not suppose 2 get bac with her..though it hurts so bad, and i rlly want to. i shouldnt, and as of now probly cant. God ahs been pointing me in another direction and i think i should follow..but then again, my breakin with my gf just hurts more daily, and listening 2 "ordinary people" by John Legend probly isnt going to help. but there is alot of truth to this song. we dont know which way to go because we're just ordinary. we make mistakes and suffer because of them sometimes. relationships are work, and alot of it. my gf, well now my ex, anyway we dated for over a yr. gave it our all, and i loved her dearly but i thought itd be best if i left, so i did. *sigh* but im just ordinary and im just gonna pray and try to get through this as best as i can...
when i was like 13 i remember reading in an E.G. White book about teenage dating. i remember it said something like (paraphrasing) young people should talk to their parents and listen to their advice because it will save them from many a heart ache. I didnt think anything of it but it came bac to mind the other day after 3 yrs of not reading that book..and its true, i hate it when my mom tries to give me relationship advice. i hate it with a passion. nothing against her at all i just hav a ridiculous rebelious nature and been told things or being told what to do never settles well with me..but she's rite, mom is rite 98% of time. whether it happens immediately or later, she was rite. After not listening to her for years and then hurting myself in all this she said "you played an adult game and got burned, now you hav to deal with it"..it hurt to hear her say that, but she is rite. i played and i lost and i hav to keep my head high and recover and press forward and not be so emo and moody like ive been...
well, its time for me to end this. pray for me guys. youve been a good crowd =)enjoy your nite.
this verse always gets me throught the most emotionally painful days..
"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted". Isaiah 53:4
it just tells me God cares enough to feel what I feel and get me through it.
Remember we're just ordinary people.
Peace,
Knial
when i was like 13 i remember reading in an E.G. White book about teenage dating. i remember it said something like (paraphrasing) young people should talk to their parents and listen to their advice because it will save them from many a heart ache. I didnt think anything of it but it came bac to mind the other day after 3 yrs of not reading that book..and its true, i hate it when my mom tries to give me relationship advice. i hate it with a passion. nothing against her at all i just hav a ridiculous rebelious nature and been told things or being told what to do never settles well with me..but she's rite, mom is rite 98% of time. whether it happens immediately or later, she was rite. After not listening to her for years and then hurting myself in all this she said "you played an adult game and got burned, now you hav to deal with it"..it hurt to hear her say that, but she is rite. i played and i lost and i hav to keep my head high and recover and press forward and not be so emo and moody like ive been...
well, its time for me to end this. pray for me guys. youve been a good crowd =)enjoy your nite.
this verse always gets me throught the most emotionally painful days..
"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted". Isaiah 53:4
it just tells me God cares enough to feel what I feel and get me through it.
Remember we're just ordinary people.
Peace,
Knial
Monday, January 18, 2010
More in depth character explanation 2
So i just explained the cool and so now ima explain the game like i said.
at the end of the 3 explanations itll all tie together and then tie into 'The Coolest'
So im mainly gonna use two songs to explain the game, real recognize real and put you on game.
The say real recognize real
The dollar bill will exorcise all ills
Frauds is thoroughly camouflaged
And fatigued in the field
Be careful who you believe, the pills
is dealed(dilled) like Vlasic
Proceeds go towards the buying of capris classics
With the wheels to match it
So they can mack it
Like an automatic weapon
steppin off into traffic like check em
so it starts with the dollar bills will exorcise all ills, which means money can get rid of your problems, pretty much saying it buys you happiness. the next line about frauds is refering to fake gangstas, and people who portray a "hood" or "G" image but really arent that kinda person, this can also refer to rappers who fake and he warns and says be careful who you believe.
the next line where it talks about pills being dilled (dealed) like vlassic,vlassic is a pickle brand that mass distributes pickles so lupe is just saying that pills are mass distributed (dealed) on the streets. and the dealers use the money to buy nice cars, and rims, and wheels and they show them off(mack it)
Tears roll down the eyes
of the rides on side of a funeral procession
Here lies, with Xs in his eyes
the unguided, misdirected
Squad cars roll past and laugh
So all to often, when ppl are makin money in the streets, hustlin and what not. they get hustled by the game, the game is just the embodiment of everything that goes on in the streets. all the drug dealin, prostituting, murder, gang bangin. he is the embodiment and cause of it all. im not gonna explain those lines because the meaning is self evident. refer to put you on game, the entire song is about how the game hustles the hustlers and pimps the pimps and just uses them because he can
(halfway into next verse)
They say The Game has the belly of a beast
Blunts for fingers and hollow-tips for teeth
Wire-taps for ears, Nike airs for feet
blasphemy for prayers
A system for a heart, rap music for beats
Heroin for a son and is married to The Streets
Crack pipes for lungs
And he never sleeps, just spies
with dice in his eyes
Loves life 'cause he likes when it dies
With a baking soda soul
he coughs up pleasure
clothes made out of dollar bills that he sewed together
he knows, he's clever
Jealous is house, all the liquor that's poured out
goes right in his mouth
Rides around on a stray bullet
with prostitutes, pimps, dope dealers, and killers
tied to it to pull it
A TV in his head
strippers slide down his legs
And he's known to ride around with the Feds, out there
so now it starts by saying, the game has the belly of a beast. meaning that the game has an endless hunger for murder. he has blunts for fingers and hollow tips for teeth. meaning he has drugs at he fingertips, like at his disposal. and the hollow tip thing is pretty much his mouth sends death. nike airs for feet, he moves swiftly and the blasphemy for prayers part is saying that, sin is his religion.
he has a system for a heart and rap music for beats rap/hip hop is internalized in him and makes him live. heroin for a son and is married to the streets. the game and the streets came together and produced heroin. now in reality this makes sense as well. drugs hit the streets and is sold by the game.
and her never sleeps, he jus spies with dice in his eyes means that the game doesnt sleep, hustlin, pimpin, bangin doesnt stop at night. if anything it just gets worse. and he watches everything with the desire to hustle them out of money. thats why there is dice in his eyes. his desire is to make people happy and rich, for a price (soul), and then hustle them out of it.
he loves life cuz he likes when it dies, the game loves to kill, murder is his thing. people get killed in the street life all the time. his bakin soda soul, he coughs up pleasure. he makes ppl feel good, baking soda is a component of makin crack and cocaine. when someone is high on crack, they feel good. they feel pleasure.
but they get hooked. and hav to come bac for more. and his "soul" provides them with it.
the part about liquor being poured out and it goin into his mouth is refering to when someone dies, you poor liquor on their grave (atleast you do where im from) and it goes into his mouth because its his doing and he enjoys it. If you listen to the song "the cool" liquor is poured on his grave as well..
rides around on a stray bullet, with prostitutes, pimps, dope dealers and killers tied to it to pull it. these people are people who kill others or get killed. the game rides around on the bullet with them pullin it means he causes ppl to shoot each other.
the last part about he's known to ride around with the feds means that he plays both sides. the side of the ppl workin for him and the cops, cuz cops are crooked. hella crooked...
so ima refer to put you on game real quick.
I'm the one that they follow
I am the one that they march with
(Lemme put you on game)
Through the back alleys
And the black markets
the Oval Offices
the crackhouses and apartments
Through the mazes of the queens
the pages of the sages
and the Chambers of The Kings
(Lemme put you on game)
Through the veins-es of the fiends
in this song (put you on game) the game is the one speaking. not to be confused with the rapper. but he is speaking about how he runs everything. when it says through the bac alleys and the black markets, the oval offices, crack houes and apartments. its him sayin he is everywhere, he has succesfully infiltrated places like the white house, he is saying that even politicians are crooked because they follow him too.
Yo, I'm famous on the scene
One of the oldest, most ancient-est of things
Seak every single language on the planet, y'all mean?
murder, hustlin, pimpin, drugs have all been around for centuries and he is the creator of them, and so he is saying he's been around for centuries. since the fall of man, there has been him.
(for the sake of time, ima skip to the end)
I am the safe haven for the rebel runaway and the resistor
The trusted misleader
The number one defender
And from a throne of their bones I rule
These fools are my fuel
So I make them Cool
people go to him to find something, mayb a way to make money, or t lead ppl down the wrong path with his influence. but they dont know that they mean nothing to him, but he makes them cool and gives them what they want. but when he decides, he wastes them.
Baptize them in the water out of Scarface pool
And feed 'em from the table that held the Corleone's food
If you die, tell them that you played my game
I hope your bullet holes become mouths that say my name
'Cause I'm the... (gunshot)
So to put it short and simple, you can describe the game as the devil.
i hope this clarified any questions..next time ill explain the streets and then finish the coolest.
at the end of the 3 explanations itll all tie together and then tie into 'The Coolest'
So im mainly gonna use two songs to explain the game, real recognize real and put you on game.
The say real recognize real
The dollar bill will exorcise all ills
Frauds is thoroughly camouflaged
And fatigued in the field
Be careful who you believe, the pills
is dealed(dilled) like Vlasic
Proceeds go towards the buying of capris classics
With the wheels to match it
So they can mack it
Like an automatic weapon
steppin off into traffic like check em
so it starts with the dollar bills will exorcise all ills, which means money can get rid of your problems, pretty much saying it buys you happiness. the next line about frauds is refering to fake gangstas, and people who portray a "hood" or "G" image but really arent that kinda person, this can also refer to rappers who fake and he warns and says be careful who you believe.
the next line where it talks about pills being dilled (dealed) like vlassic,vlassic is a pickle brand that mass distributes pickles so lupe is just saying that pills are mass distributed (dealed) on the streets. and the dealers use the money to buy nice cars, and rims, and wheels and they show them off(mack it)
Tears roll down the eyes
of the rides on side of a funeral procession
Here lies, with Xs in his eyes
the unguided, misdirected
Squad cars roll past and laugh
So all to often, when ppl are makin money in the streets, hustlin and what not. they get hustled by the game, the game is just the embodiment of everything that goes on in the streets. all the drug dealin, prostituting, murder, gang bangin. he is the embodiment and cause of it all. im not gonna explain those lines because the meaning is self evident. refer to put you on game, the entire song is about how the game hustles the hustlers and pimps the pimps and just uses them because he can
(halfway into next verse)
They say The Game has the belly of a beast
Blunts for fingers and hollow-tips for teeth
Wire-taps for ears, Nike airs for feet
blasphemy for prayers
A system for a heart, rap music for beats
Heroin for a son and is married to The Streets
Crack pipes for lungs
And he never sleeps, just spies
with dice in his eyes
Loves life 'cause he likes when it dies
With a baking soda soul
he coughs up pleasure
clothes made out of dollar bills that he sewed together
he knows, he's clever
Jealous is house, all the liquor that's poured out
goes right in his mouth
Rides around on a stray bullet
with prostitutes, pimps, dope dealers, and killers
tied to it to pull it
A TV in his head
strippers slide down his legs
And he's known to ride around with the Feds, out there
so now it starts by saying, the game has the belly of a beast. meaning that the game has an endless hunger for murder. he has blunts for fingers and hollow tips for teeth. meaning he has drugs at he fingertips, like at his disposal. and the hollow tip thing is pretty much his mouth sends death. nike airs for feet, he moves swiftly and the blasphemy for prayers part is saying that, sin is his religion.
he has a system for a heart and rap music for beats rap/hip hop is internalized in him and makes him live. heroin for a son and is married to the streets. the game and the streets came together and produced heroin. now in reality this makes sense as well. drugs hit the streets and is sold by the game.
and her never sleeps, he jus spies with dice in his eyes means that the game doesnt sleep, hustlin, pimpin, bangin doesnt stop at night. if anything it just gets worse. and he watches everything with the desire to hustle them out of money. thats why there is dice in his eyes. his desire is to make people happy and rich, for a price (soul), and then hustle them out of it.
he loves life cuz he likes when it dies, the game loves to kill, murder is his thing. people get killed in the street life all the time. his bakin soda soul, he coughs up pleasure. he makes ppl feel good, baking soda is a component of makin crack and cocaine. when someone is high on crack, they feel good. they feel pleasure.
but they get hooked. and hav to come bac for more. and his "soul" provides them with it.
the part about liquor being poured out and it goin into his mouth is refering to when someone dies, you poor liquor on their grave (atleast you do where im from) and it goes into his mouth because its his doing and he enjoys it. If you listen to the song "the cool" liquor is poured on his grave as well..
rides around on a stray bullet, with prostitutes, pimps, dope dealers and killers tied to it to pull it. these people are people who kill others or get killed. the game rides around on the bullet with them pullin it means he causes ppl to shoot each other.
the last part about he's known to ride around with the feds means that he plays both sides. the side of the ppl workin for him and the cops, cuz cops are crooked. hella crooked...
so ima refer to put you on game real quick.
I'm the one that they follow
I am the one that they march with
(Lemme put you on game)
Through the back alleys
And the black markets
the Oval Offices
the crackhouses and apartments
Through the mazes of the queens
the pages of the sages
and the Chambers of The Kings
(Lemme put you on game)
Through the veins-es of the fiends
in this song (put you on game) the game is the one speaking. not to be confused with the rapper. but he is speaking about how he runs everything. when it says through the bac alleys and the black markets, the oval offices, crack houes and apartments. its him sayin he is everywhere, he has succesfully infiltrated places like the white house, he is saying that even politicians are crooked because they follow him too.
Yo, I'm famous on the scene
One of the oldest, most ancient-est of things
Seak every single language on the planet, y'all mean?
murder, hustlin, pimpin, drugs have all been around for centuries and he is the creator of them, and so he is saying he's been around for centuries. since the fall of man, there has been him.
(for the sake of time, ima skip to the end)
I am the safe haven for the rebel runaway and the resistor
The trusted misleader
The number one defender
And from a throne of their bones I rule
These fools are my fuel
So I make them Cool
people go to him to find something, mayb a way to make money, or t lead ppl down the wrong path with his influence. but they dont know that they mean nothing to him, but he makes them cool and gives them what they want. but when he decides, he wastes them.
Baptize them in the water out of Scarface pool
And feed 'em from the table that held the Corleone's food
If you die, tell them that you played my game
I hope your bullet holes become mouths that say my name
'Cause I'm the... (gunshot)
So to put it short and simple, you can describe the game as the devil.
i hope this clarified any questions..next time ill explain the streets and then finish the coolest.
More in depth character explanation
Hey, so as promised im gonna breakdown the characters but ima do the cool for now...
now the cool is easier because he's got a song about him titled 'the cool'.
its about a guy who was livin the street life. he gets killed by some people and is dead for 6 months. one day he regains consciousness and begins to crawl his way out of his casket. with him is a swisha, letter from his sister, he has earings and his gold chain still on, oh yea and did i mention he's wearing a suit. like fresh to death for a dead guy lol.
so anyhow, he crawls his way out of the earth and notices his right hand has decayed and is all bones. now you may wonder why is that significant. its deeper than visual description. the cool's right hand being gone means that the cool has lost its righteousness, there's no good left in him (in being the cool) basically speaking.
so he decides he wants to go bac home because he doesnt think its been very long. so he heads to a train station and begins asking for money to catch the train and people are repulsed by his appearence, mind you now that he isnt aware of what he looks like. he doesnt know he's been dead 6 months. so he pulls out the swisha and lights it and tries to smoke it but it burst into flames and he sees his reflection in the window and isnt bothered by his appearence.
So before long the train gets bac to his old hood and he was gonna find some drugs to sell. notices that nothing has changed in his hood and he even walks past the spot he got shot at. Then some lil kids walk up to him and try to sell him crack (lol funny experiences with that) and its the same ppl who killed him 6 months before but they dont recognize him and they decide to rob him cuz he cant be from their hood. so in the famous line, they the gun to his head and said you scared aint ya? (he answers bac) hustla for death, no heaven for a gangsta..
now he says that because he's accepted everything. he saw what he looks like and where ever he was when he died wasnt heaven so he has nothing to lose or gain. so he isnt worried about that situation, so thats why he said what he said. and note, that he's a hustler for death. and not life...
so the moral idea behind it that lupe is pushing is when your trying to chase the cool, which is image, like fame and things like that. youll end up like him, less than satisfied with it so you keep trying to climb til you fall off.
so there you have it, a break down of the cool.
next im gonna do the game and the streets
peace,
Fall
now the cool is easier because he's got a song about him titled 'the cool'.
its about a guy who was livin the street life. he gets killed by some people and is dead for 6 months. one day he regains consciousness and begins to crawl his way out of his casket. with him is a swisha, letter from his sister, he has earings and his gold chain still on, oh yea and did i mention he's wearing a suit. like fresh to death for a dead guy lol.
so anyhow, he crawls his way out of the earth and notices his right hand has decayed and is all bones. now you may wonder why is that significant. its deeper than visual description. the cool's right hand being gone means that the cool has lost its righteousness, there's no good left in him (in being the cool) basically speaking.
so he decides he wants to go bac home because he doesnt think its been very long. so he heads to a train station and begins asking for money to catch the train and people are repulsed by his appearence, mind you now that he isnt aware of what he looks like. he doesnt know he's been dead 6 months. so he pulls out the swisha and lights it and tries to smoke it but it burst into flames and he sees his reflection in the window and isnt bothered by his appearence.
So before long the train gets bac to his old hood and he was gonna find some drugs to sell. notices that nothing has changed in his hood and he even walks past the spot he got shot at. Then some lil kids walk up to him and try to sell him crack (lol funny experiences with that) and its the same ppl who killed him 6 months before but they dont recognize him and they decide to rob him cuz he cant be from their hood. so in the famous line, they the gun to his head and said you scared aint ya? (he answers bac) hustla for death, no heaven for a gangsta..
now he says that because he's accepted everything. he saw what he looks like and where ever he was when he died wasnt heaven so he has nothing to lose or gain. so he isnt worried about that situation, so thats why he said what he said. and note, that he's a hustler for death. and not life...
so the moral idea behind it that lupe is pushing is when your trying to chase the cool, which is image, like fame and things like that. youll end up like him, less than satisfied with it so you keep trying to climb til you fall off.
so there you have it, a break down of the cool.
next im gonna do the game and the streets
peace,
Fall
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Coolest Breakdown pt1.
So for those of you that know me well enough, you know that im a lupe fiasco fan like no other and my favorite song by him is "The Coolest". The first time ive listened to it I had no idea of the depth in the song I just took it at face value. But ive never listened to a song that someone put this much meaning into. According to my Itunes ive played the song almost 350 times over the last yr and i still dont understand all of it. But i understand it more than most and ima break it down for you in 3 parts, starting now.....
The song starts
"The coolest niggah... what?
Lord please have sympathy, and forgive MyCool Young History, as
The coolest niggah... what?"
now by listening to that you just hear him say forgive mycool young history. but there's two meaning to that, it also is Michael Young History. say it, "MyCool" and "Michael"
so now your probly wondering who Michael Young History is, he is a character in a story that lupe is using to represent himself. Michael Young History in a nut shell is this kid who falls in love with this innocent girl and is happy but gets caught up in the temptation of the streets and ends up leaving her for his new girl, "The Streets", and will eventually have to pay the price. ill expand on it later.
"I love the lord
But sometimes it's like that I love me more
I love the peace, and I love the war
I love the seas, and I love the shore
No love for no beach (bitch), baby that's loyal
He is talking about his love, "The Streets"
The streets is a female representation of the lure of the street life, gangbangin, makin fast money, things like that. She is married to "The Game" which is what goes on in the streets, hustlin and pimpin and drug dealin and murder. And he fell in love with her and is expressing that he's loyal to her and her only.
"But she doesn't see therefore I spoil
I trick, I fall, run up and brawl
I love her with all my heart
Every vein, every vessel, every bullet lodged
With every flower that I ever took apart"
When he says every vein,every vessel, every bullet lodged, with everyflower that i ever took apart. A vessel is represented by a coffin. Every flower that I took apart means two things, 1 how many people he's killed, think of a person of flower. 2 it can be interpreted as that whole "she loves me, she loves me not" thing. But for the sake of this we'll use number 1.
"She said, that she would give me greatness, status, placement
Above the others, my face with grace covers of the magazines
Of the hustlers, paper, the likes of which
That I had never seen, her eyes glow green
With the logo of our dreams, the purpose of our scene
A obscene obsession for the bling"
He is talking about the streets promising him glory and fame (greatness, status, placement)
Paper the likes of which that i had never seen, and her eyes glowing green with the logo of their dreams and their purpose just means that he would hav money like he's never seen or had before. filthy rich is the idea. And her eyes glow green with the logo of their dreams just means, the streets is motivated by money, which is the same in reality. Money motivates people to do what they do on the streets.
"She would be my queen, I could be her king, together
She would make me cool, and we would both rule, forever
And I would never feel pain
And never be without pleasure, ever, again
And if the rain stops, and everything's dry
She would cry, just so I could drink the tears from her eyes
She'd teach my how to fly, even cushion my fall
If my engines ever stall, and I plummet from the sky
But she would keep me high, and if I ever die
She will commision my image on her bosom
Or maybe she'd retire as well
A match made in Heaven set the fires in Hell, and I'll be"
And i would never feel pain, and never be without pleasure ever again.
And if the rain/reign (this is also refering to him and her ruling) stops and everything dry she would cry just so i could drink the tears from her eyes, all that means is she would take care of him. He wouldnt be in need of anything and he would be set. At the peak of your life on the streets, your needs are taken care of.
she teach me how to fly and even cushion my fall if my engines ever stall and i plummet from the sky,means that he's expecting her to keep him safe while he's on the streets and keep him "up there" as ruler of the streets. and if i ever die she will commision my image on her bosom is a reference to a song from Food and Liquor, Real Recognize Real" in which he says "slain boyfriend names is tattooed on her titties". So if he dies, his name will be tatted onto her chest with all the other boyfriends she's had, being all the other people seduced by the streets and got killed.
But maybe she'd retire as well, a match made in heaven set the fires in hell.
He's saying that if he dies, maybe she'd quit all the things that happen on the streets. Them being together, is like a match made in heaven to him. But its really gonna get him in hell. Which is the price.
im gonna explain in depth the streets, the game, and the last character the cool. but in a seperate blog. I hope i answered some question you may have. This is only the 1st verse of the song and i'll come bac later on and explain 2 and 3.
Peace,
Fall
The song starts
"The coolest niggah... what?
Lord please have sympathy, and forgive MyCool Young History, as
The coolest niggah... what?"
now by listening to that you just hear him say forgive mycool young history. but there's two meaning to that, it also is Michael Young History. say it, "MyCool" and "Michael"
so now your probly wondering who Michael Young History is, he is a character in a story that lupe is using to represent himself. Michael Young History in a nut shell is this kid who falls in love with this innocent girl and is happy but gets caught up in the temptation of the streets and ends up leaving her for his new girl, "The Streets", and will eventually have to pay the price. ill expand on it later.
"I love the lord
But sometimes it's like that I love me more
I love the peace, and I love the war
I love the seas, and I love the shore
No love for no beach (bitch), baby that's loyal
He is talking about his love, "The Streets"
The streets is a female representation of the lure of the street life, gangbangin, makin fast money, things like that. She is married to "The Game" which is what goes on in the streets, hustlin and pimpin and drug dealin and murder. And he fell in love with her and is expressing that he's loyal to her and her only.
"But she doesn't see therefore I spoil
I trick, I fall, run up and brawl
I love her with all my heart
Every vein, every vessel, every bullet lodged
With every flower that I ever took apart"
When he says every vein,every vessel, every bullet lodged, with everyflower that i ever took apart. A vessel is represented by a coffin. Every flower that I took apart means two things, 1 how many people he's killed, think of a person of flower. 2 it can be interpreted as that whole "she loves me, she loves me not" thing. But for the sake of this we'll use number 1.
"She said, that she would give me greatness, status, placement
Above the others, my face with grace covers of the magazines
Of the hustlers, paper, the likes of which
That I had never seen, her eyes glow green
With the logo of our dreams, the purpose of our scene
A obscene obsession for the bling"
He is talking about the streets promising him glory and fame (greatness, status, placement)
Paper the likes of which that i had never seen, and her eyes glowing green with the logo of their dreams and their purpose just means that he would hav money like he's never seen or had before. filthy rich is the idea. And her eyes glow green with the logo of their dreams just means, the streets is motivated by money, which is the same in reality. Money motivates people to do what they do on the streets.
"She would be my queen, I could be her king, together
She would make me cool, and we would both rule, forever
And I would never feel pain
And never be without pleasure, ever, again
And if the rain stops, and everything's dry
She would cry, just so I could drink the tears from her eyes
She'd teach my how to fly, even cushion my fall
If my engines ever stall, and I plummet from the sky
But she would keep me high, and if I ever die
She will commision my image on her bosom
Or maybe she'd retire as well
A match made in Heaven set the fires in Hell, and I'll be"
And i would never feel pain, and never be without pleasure ever again.
And if the rain/reign (this is also refering to him and her ruling) stops and everything dry she would cry just so i could drink the tears from her eyes, all that means is she would take care of him. He wouldnt be in need of anything and he would be set. At the peak of your life on the streets, your needs are taken care of.
she teach me how to fly and even cushion my fall if my engines ever stall and i plummet from the sky,means that he's expecting her to keep him safe while he's on the streets and keep him "up there" as ruler of the streets. and if i ever die she will commision my image on her bosom is a reference to a song from Food and Liquor, Real Recognize Real" in which he says "slain boyfriend names is tattooed on her titties". So if he dies, his name will be tatted onto her chest with all the other boyfriends she's had, being all the other people seduced by the streets and got killed.
But maybe she'd retire as well, a match made in heaven set the fires in hell.
He's saying that if he dies, maybe she'd quit all the things that happen on the streets. Them being together, is like a match made in heaven to him. But its really gonna get him in hell. Which is the price.
im gonna explain in depth the streets, the game, and the last character the cool. but in a seperate blog. I hope i answered some question you may have. This is only the 1st verse of the song and i'll come bac later on and explain 2 and 3.
Peace,
Fall
Friday, January 8, 2010
Diary of Autumn and Fall
There was this girl who knew this kid, she smiled upon all the things that he did.
She watched over him in infancy while keeping strife from hitting him too hard.
She used everychance she could to make him smile and see his face light up, like hers.
She made him feel like he'd never felt before. And before long she fell in love with he, him with her, was all that he could ask for.
She took him everywhere, like she wa his passport. But not too long after, his father left home.
And he wasnt the same, he wasnt that sweet little kid but she wasnt bothered by his change of heart.
And she knew exactly why. She was gonna make him like her slowly but surely but in plain sight.
And honetly she would love him more for it, he would be her but not her and she couldnt ignore it.
She took him under her lights and he did whatever she wanted and it always made her smile.
She taught him about the streets and how to fight. She taught him how to use a gun and how to take a life.
How to utilize patience and how to nuture the darkness that he had inside.
She taught him to love hate and feel no mercy and never any pain. And he becomes as cold as her, her similar opposite but just as beautiful.
His feelings built more and everytime he caressed her curves, and as he paced the length of her body he smiled when shivers went down her spine.
Then he'd open her window that he went to, went through, and then he was inside her.
They were inseperable, intimate, and connected in his soul and she'd tell him everyday that she loved him and he'd answer back i'll never leave you babe.
Or so he thought, his family was leaving and he had to go with them, and when he told her she was heartbroken.
She told him she'd find someone else before he could say that he'd be back, then he left.
Him going was like war to her, to him, like broken glass that would remain broken evermore...
He grew up alot more in the next few years but the new city was the same to him.
It wasnt special like his, nothing was special like her.
And he could hear her whispering into his soul saying that she still loved him and when was he coming back home.
So he got himself a flight to get back home, his old feelings came back and he knew that he was with his other half.
He got off the plane, went inside and got his bag, then walked out into the cold air to stand outside.
She kept him warm and let his favorite weather fall from her skies. He stared out at her and smiled at her beauty, ageless.
She never changed, she was still the same girl he met near Cambridge that day.
She said I wrote you every single day you were gone because I missed you, and i'm so glad to have you back.
He said I know you have Autumn and i'm sorry i've been away so long, I heard you killed a bunch of people since i've been gone.
I know you've been warring inside yourself but its alright Autumn i'm here now.
And i'll stay forever oneday but you know that this time I cant stay.
She answered back, I know you cant but i'll look forward to then.
Anyway here's the letters I wrote you, and they read, Dear Fall...
This.
She watched over him in infancy while keeping strife from hitting him too hard.
She used everychance she could to make him smile and see his face light up, like hers.
She made him feel like he'd never felt before. And before long she fell in love with he, him with her, was all that he could ask for.
She took him everywhere, like she wa his passport. But not too long after, his father left home.
And he wasnt the same, he wasnt that sweet little kid but she wasnt bothered by his change of heart.
And she knew exactly why. She was gonna make him like her slowly but surely but in plain sight.
And honetly she would love him more for it, he would be her but not her and she couldnt ignore it.
She took him under her lights and he did whatever she wanted and it always made her smile.
She taught him about the streets and how to fight. She taught him how to use a gun and how to take a life.
How to utilize patience and how to nuture the darkness that he had inside.
She taught him to love hate and feel no mercy and never any pain. And he becomes as cold as her, her similar opposite but just as beautiful.
His feelings built more and everytime he caressed her curves, and as he paced the length of her body he smiled when shivers went down her spine.
Then he'd open her window that he went to, went through, and then he was inside her.
They were inseperable, intimate, and connected in his soul and she'd tell him everyday that she loved him and he'd answer back i'll never leave you babe.
Or so he thought, his family was leaving and he had to go with them, and when he told her she was heartbroken.
She told him she'd find someone else before he could say that he'd be back, then he left.
Him going was like war to her, to him, like broken glass that would remain broken evermore...
He grew up alot more in the next few years but the new city was the same to him.
It wasnt special like his, nothing was special like her.
And he could hear her whispering into his soul saying that she still loved him and when was he coming back home.
So he got himself a flight to get back home, his old feelings came back and he knew that he was with his other half.
He got off the plane, went inside and got his bag, then walked out into the cold air to stand outside.
She kept him warm and let his favorite weather fall from her skies. He stared out at her and smiled at her beauty, ageless.
She never changed, she was still the same girl he met near Cambridge that day.
She said I wrote you every single day you were gone because I missed you, and i'm so glad to have you back.
He said I know you have Autumn and i'm sorry i've been away so long, I heard you killed a bunch of people since i've been gone.
I know you've been warring inside yourself but its alright Autumn i'm here now.
And i'll stay forever oneday but you know that this time I cant stay.
She answered back, I know you cant but i'll look forward to then.
Anyway here's the letters I wrote you, and they read, Dear Fall...
This.
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