Dear Autumn..

Dear Autumn, I don’t know what you’re feeling but I need to back up from everything for a while.

I need to find myself, and I don’t how long that’ll take; but I’ll be back when I do.

Though this is just another one you probably won’t read into…

Dear Autumn, just in case you look into this and don’t necessarily find me, all of me.

It’s because I’m out looking for me.

Searching through time for pieces that use to be mine and trying on different masks and either reveling or going numb in the feeling of that alias.

Of mine, it’s mine, so I bring it back with me while trying not to step on the mines strewn across the fields in my mind.

The mines are polished with guilt and wired with fear and the give off a purple glint in the sun.

Son, oh right I have a father now so I can take this piece with me too.
Fathers raise their child in the right path and are there for them with hugs and love.

But gradually his arms grow smaller and you’re desire for a hug grows larger and larger, and you feel smaller and smaller as time goes on.

Time, stop, where am I now? Oh right, I’m inside four walls listening to you cry because you can’t find me. 500 miles away and you’re tears reach here.

They’re soothing to my aches and calming to my soul.

I’ve put so much of me into you I can hear the choked words between each sob and you’re scent caresses my nose while the taste of your tears rest on my tongue.

Now I can take this piece of my first love and who I was in her with me so we can be reacquainted in time. Time, wait, stop, where I am?

Oh right, I’m lost but I know where I’m going and the breeze tells me she will take me there, anywhere.

Blowing me like arboretum leaves where ever leaves where ever she listeth.

Please, don’t look for me. And don’t worry yourself about me, you won’t find me.

But understand that I’m thinking of you, and every time I want to say I miss you I’ll whisper it and wish that you heard me.

I know you wrote me when I left a few times when I left you a few years ago; and so this is my one and only letter to you.

I’ll be back when I know who I am…

Dear Autumn…I’m gone…